why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Boobs are out for the taking
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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