I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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