I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
