What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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