Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize