Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
