I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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