Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
