At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How does it feel to date your dad?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
