Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
