Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
