no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
only you would photoshop your dick
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
