I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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