im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
