jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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