ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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