After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize