Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
