i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
