so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
