I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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