Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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