I feel like I'm in dance class right now
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just found a bag of teeth...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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