If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
