I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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