I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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