she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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