D3 body, D1 cock
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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