Umm I'm too high to move.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
