So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Life is so much better after having sex.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
