Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Randomize
