Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
