dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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