Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
