is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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