That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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