Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
