Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize