He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
