Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
