You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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