god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
