well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
