I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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