you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
