Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
