I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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