omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So many bounce houses so little time
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
