I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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