oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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