Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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