I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
