If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
