Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize