i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
