yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
