I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
