I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
