I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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