i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize