those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
