a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
