So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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