guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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