Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
