dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
