First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
