Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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