god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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