sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
