I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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