somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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