We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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