left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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