I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
