two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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