what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
