8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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