I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
