I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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