so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
