I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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