I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
