Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
