Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
