you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
