If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
