You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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