used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can you bring me the toilet please
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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