It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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