You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
