Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
