We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
