Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
