i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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