I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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