I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize