I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize