Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
